Thursday, December 30, 2010
Good-bye and good riddance 2010! There were moments when I loved you but it's time for you to go. This has been an amazingly difficult year for me as I navigated through my TTC journey. When C and I got married in 2005 we knew that we wanted to start a family right away; I can't believe it's going on 2011 and we still have not heard the pitter patter of little feet. We have been to three specialists who all claim that we have "unexplained infertility." I really want some answers; I feel like damaged goods and want to know what's wrong. I know that life isn't fair, but why cant so many people have a baby, and others get pregnant so easily? We have had four unsuccessful IUI's and have attempted IVF. Our first IVF resulted in a pregnancy in January of this year but ended in a miscarriage at eight weeks. In June, I was diagnosed with endometriosis but when the laparoscopy was performed no endometriosis was found; so we are back to our diagnosis of unexplained infertility. We have no frozen eggs so we would need to complete a full cycle of IVF all over again and financially this is a struggle. I have been struggling with the decision to try IVF again or move on and try to pursue adoption. I always thought I would have children with C. In my twenties I worried about becoming pregnant; I had no idea that in my thirties it would be nearly impossible. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not ready to give up on my dream of becoming a mother. I'm just tired of waiting for the chapter of motherhood to begin. A lady C works with has had two babies using IVF, she wrote me a lovely letter about her specialist and highly recommends that I visit him. Unfortunately, he is a two hour drive from where we live, but he is suppose to be the best in the state. Since our insurance doesn't cover IVF I know we will only be able to afford one more round. I'm so scared of having the same results. How do you know when it's time to call it quits? I feel like I just keep spinning my wheels and the clock is ticking!