Good Old Aunt Flow

Well good old Aunt Flow came this week and I'm feeling exceptional grumpy today. I'm pretty realistic at this point that we will not be getting pregnant like everyone else the "old-fashioned" way, but every month I still have that little glimmer of hope and than she comes good old Aunt Flow, right on time, just like clockwork. I also found out on Friday that our "new" specialist does not accept our insurance which is extremely disappointing. I suppose when I look at the big picture it will be alright since our insurance doesn't cover IVF and that seems to be our best option at this point. But I will have to pay $230 for my consultation next month and any other tests he feels will be necessary. The new specialist I will be seeing charges $3000 less than what we paid last time for IVF and his success rate is 51% which is awesome compared to the average. My DH (C) and I have agreed that this will be the last round of IVF we will do. I'm hoping for more quality eggs this time. My first IVF attempt only resulted in six eggs; only four developed into "healthy embryos"; only one survived and we were so excited that we were finally going to have our baby, but eight weeks later we miscarried. Now I wish we would have held out for a cycle with more eggs, but who knows what would have happened. Right now I'm just feeling anxious, all of these "what ifs" are running through my head. Plus I can't stop thinking about that I was pregnant at this time last year. I know I really just need to relax but today this agitated feeling won't go away. Poor C. I'm sure I'm no fun to live with today!