Being Hopeful

Yesterday's appointment went better than I expected. I started out my journey before dawn preparing for my two hour drive, when it started to snow. Really, more snow in April? I was hoping that this was not a sign about how the rest of my morning would continue. I managed to arrive to my appointment on time and my doctor personally did my ultrasound. Dr. D said he was shocked to find out that I only had a few follicles last week but was hoping for more when he did the ultrasound. He was able to locate five follicles on my left side and three follicles on my right; so it looks like I now have eight altogether which is definitely better than three. I'm excited and hopeful that we decided not to cancel the cycle, but I'm also a little disappointed because I was hoping for more. I'm on a high dose of Gonal F and assumed I would have 12-15 follicles this round. Dr. D said I could cancel and wait for a better cycle, but there are no guarantees what the next cycle will bring; it could be four follicles or it could be 15. This is starting to feel an awful lot like gambling and I'm so not a risk taker. I'm definitely out of my comfort zone here. I'm going out on a limb, having faith and telling myself this really will work. I'm also hoping we will be able to freeze some of these little guys for future use but I know I'm hoping for a lot. I also know it's about quality and not quantity. Yesterday, all of my follicle were measuring around 8-10 so I'm hoping there is some growth there. My Estradiol was only at 584 which seems a little low but Dr.D. said it was alright for now. Tomorrow I'm back for another ultrasound so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that everything looks promising. I really hope I get to be a mom this time around.