This weekend I wish I had more energy. I made a list of 25 things that I wanted to get accomplished, and I hate to admit it but only two items have been crossed off; which means I really need to get my act together today. I know the problem is me; honestly I don't feel like doing anything. Aunt Flow reared her ugly head Friday afternoon with a ferocity I haven't felt in awhile. I managed to go to an early dinner with a few close girlfriends on Friday night, and haven't been back out in the world since. Truthfully,I didn't want to go, but in the end I'm glad I did. They always make me laugh and make me feel better. However, I now have no desire to leave the house, or even return friends phone calls. I'm crabby and have no energy to give. I truly may have the blues! The pain yesterday was horrible, making it a day filled with Tylenol, resting, and I admit a few glasses of wine. My poor liver. This morning I'm feeling better, just lazy, unmotivated, tired, and I'm starting to have self-doubt; questioning if it isn't time to get out of the baby making ring. Days like yesterday make me wonder how much fight I still have left in me.
In other news, I went to see my high school girlfriend's baby last weekend, and he is adorable. He slept the whole time I was there, which was alright: I didn't have a strong desire to hold him. I don't think it would have upset me; I think I'm just nervous around newbies. I left there feeling excited, even though my friend S. hadn't planned on being a mother, I could tell she was going to be a good one, and that left me feeling content and leaving my heart in a warm place. Now if only I can get my heart back to that warm place today.
Hang in there! I know those bluesy days all too well. AF often makes me feel that way too. If you need a day or two locked in the house with the couch and wine, that's a-okay. It's important to rest when you're in a fight like this. You've earned it! That to-do list can wait until you're ready to attack it.
ReplyDeleteHi. Thanks so much for your comment, and this post. I guess we all need to wallow in ourselves at times. **hugs**
ReplyDeleteI agree. You deserve the time to lock yourself away. I have done the same exact thing, including the beating myself up over it. But really, it is all so exhausting, the hoping and wishing and thinking, the ups and downs. And then to top it all off cramps? What? How could this possibly be fair! You will bounce back, us infertiles are a strong kind;) Just be kind to yourself, curl up, watch movies, love your heating pad, and eat comfort food. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you lots...hoping the blues pass by quickly. Don't worry about not getting things done, the most important thing you can do is take time for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your recent comments...
Your in my thoughts and prayers!
Sending lots of love and thoughts your way. It gets so very hard along the way, but those moments you take to just pull back and regroup a bit are so important. I'm so glad that getting out a little bit helped. Take time to pamper yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. Hang in there... sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are a bit better now. I understand how rousing what little strength you have left to move on is so very hard. I say let the little things slide and do what you need to get back on your feet. Thinking of you and sending you my best.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you're feeling so low and in so much pain. Be gentle on yourself... if you want to stay inside and don't get anything done, that's OK. You've been through so much... you deserve a break. I often wonder how much fight I have left in me.... it's such a tough question to know the answer. Thinking of you from afar xoxo
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