The Two Week Wait

In five days I will go in for my blood test to find out if I'm pregnant. We will officialy find out if any of our three little embies, that I already love, decided to stay around for awhile, hopefully for nine months. Last week went very quickly for me; after my little embies were placed into me on Wednesday I rested the rest of the week. Slept a lot, read some novels, watched some movies. I told myself the most important job in the world right now was to carry these little babies. I tried to imagine them sticking, and growing. I'm not sure if it helped but I hope it did. Monday I returned to work, but I'm so easily distracted. I can't imagine why? My boobs hurt as well as my butt (from the progesterone shots I'm assuming), I'm tired and hungry, but I'm sure it's to early for symptoms. Sigh. I can't believe how much I want to be a mother and how much I want these little babies to make it. I'm really torn about testing early. I thought I would take a home pregnancy test this weekend but I'm not sure if it's a good idea with Sunday being Mother's Day. I have already agreed to go to brunch with my mom and family for Mother's day. I love my mom and really want her to have a good day. If the test is negative it will be extremely difficult for me to put on a happy face and enjoy the day with her. My mom also suffered with IF so she has been extremely supportive about my journey. I know she has been praying for a miracle for us and wouldn't like anything more then to be a grandmother. C. thinks I should just wait until Monday, go have the blood test and we will know for sure. But the wait is killing me. Do most of you test at home early?

Things Dont Always Go As Planned

Wednesday was the big day where I had my little embies put into me. I haven't stopped thinking about them since that moment and I know this sounds corny but I love them already. I would like to say the morning went as planned with no hiccups, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. But all of us in the IF world know things often don't go as we plan.

First, the doctor had some bad news for me. Three of our embryos had died during the night. WTF? But on the positive side, the three embryos he was putting into me he considered "Grade A" and he was very optimistic about our success. However, we would now only have two embies to freeze and they are not what he would consider "Grade A." I'm still thankful I have some to freeze. Maybe they aren't perfect, but at least it gives me something to hold onto.

The nurse had told me Tuesday night drink water, take your Valium an hour before the procedure, but do not empty your bladder two hours before the procedure. Um OK, but I really do have the bladder the size of a pea. I made it through the procedure and was suppose to lay resting for a 1.5 before my journey home. I tried so hard to not have to get up and go to the bathroom, but my bladder wouldn't hold out. I was beginning to feel so uncomfortable and I knew that soon if I didn't go I would have an accident. As gross as it sounds, I would have been willing to have an accident if it gave my babies a better shot. But C. went to get the nurse and both her and the doctor agreed I could get up to use the restroom. I was all teary eyed, mad at my damn little bladder, but my doctor's reassurance that I didn't screw anything up helped and I tried to go back to my positive thoughts as quickly as possible.

I've been resting since then. Eating pineapple, rubbing my belly and praying that these little guys grow. My doctor said I could official go back to normal activities today except for no lifting anything over 10 pounds, no sex or exercise but since it's Friday I decided to stay at home one more day. I also don't plan on doing much over the weekend. I'm not sure if any of this will help, but it feels like it's the best I can do for myself right now. I also have to say I feel very blessed that my DH (C.), family, friends, and fellow bloggers have given me so many positive thoughts and support.

Updates

Well my doctor called me this afternoon to inform me that we have eight embroys. I can't believe that eight out of the ten made it. He will be putting three of the embroys into me tomorrow morning and we will have five to freeze. I just can't believe it. I'm feeling very optomistic this evening and praying that we will finally get our miracle baby!

The Whirlwind

The last few days have been such a whirlwind for me. It was great seeing my family for Easter. It was such a distraction from thinking about having my eggs removed Monday morning. I finally broke down and told my parents and brother that we were doing IVF. They handles it fantastically and it made me feel so much better. I felt like I was keeping this big secret from them and as the saying goes the truth sets you free. My surgery Monday morning went better than I expected. I had some cramping but wasn't in much pain, I'm sure the drugs helped a lot. I slept the whole two hour ride home and most of the day yesterday, and I'm still feeling a little out of it today. Thank goodness for a loving boss who let me take lots of time off this week. My doctor was able to retrieve ten eggs! I can't wait for them to call later, to let me know how many little embryos I have waiting for me. I'm feeling optimistic today. Since there was a point when I wanted to call it quits in this cycle and it seemed like three eggs was the most I could hope for; I'm thrilled that I managed to receive ten! I'm just praying for some good news today. It sounds like if all goes well, I will be returning tomorrow to have my little guys placed back into me. I'm praying this works out for us and we get to finally start our family.

Raging Hormones

Today I can tell my hormones are out of control. I couldn't wait to get home from work to cuddle up with a book and do absolutely nothing. This is normally not like me at all, but I have been struggling to stay awake all day and DH (C) had told me last night that he had made plans to go out with one of our neighbors after work but he would be home by 8 for my shots. Of course when I got home, C and the neighbor were both here and the neighbor had drove over and blocked the garage where I normally park. No big deal, but I have to park behind him or on the road. Of course since I'm wearing heels I choose to park behind him. As I walk into the house, there was no "How was your day?' or "Good to see you!" Just "Where did you park? Why couldn't you park somewhere else?" I realize I may be being over sensitive but it really pissed me off. I offered to move my vehicle so they could get out and off they went. It just seemed so obnoxious. So unlike C. But I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff.

My appointment yesterday went better than I expected. The ultrasound tech counted 18 follicles which I was thrilled about. She did say most of them were small but several would large. She didn't give me the exact number the nurse always calls later with the results which is a little annoying. But I was thrilled to hear the number 18. We have gone from 3 to 8 to 18. When the nurse called me later in the afternoon she said I could probably only count on 9. My largest follicle is 17.5. I have eight more that range from 13.5-9 and the rest are smaller. So grow babies grow is all I can say. My estrogen has gone up to 960 so I'm also excited about that but I also have read that the number really should be over 2000 when doing IVF, so I'm hoping that it is higher tomorrow. Tomorrow is Good Friday so I'm hoping for some good news after my ultrasound and blood work. The nurse stated that I might have my retrieval as early as Monday which I'm starting to freak out about. Keeping my fingers crossed that this cycle works out.

Being Hopeful

Yesterday's appointment went better than I expected. I started out my journey before dawn preparing for my two hour drive, when it started to snow. Really, more snow in April? I was hoping that this was not a sign about how the rest of my morning would continue. I managed to arrive to my appointment on time and my doctor personally did my ultrasound. Dr. D said he was shocked to find out that I only had a few follicles last week but was hoping for more when he did the ultrasound. He was able to locate five follicles on my left side and three follicles on my right; so it looks like I now have eight altogether which is definitely better than three. I'm excited and hopeful that we decided not to cancel the cycle, but I'm also a little disappointed because I was hoping for more. I'm on a high dose of Gonal F and assumed I would have 12-15 follicles this round. Dr. D said I could cancel and wait for a better cycle, but there are no guarantees what the next cycle will bring; it could be four follicles or it could be 15. This is starting to feel an awful lot like gambling and I'm so not a risk taker. I'm definitely out of my comfort zone here. I'm going out on a limb, having faith and telling myself this really will work. I'm also hoping we will be able to freeze some of these little guys for future use but I know I'm hoping for a lot. I also know it's about quality and not quantity. Yesterday, all of my follicle were measuring around 8-10 so I'm hoping there is some growth there. My Estradiol was only at 584 which seems a little low but Dr.D. said it was alright for now. Tomorrow I'm back for another ultrasound so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that everything looks promising. I really hope I get to be a mom this time around.

Day Five Frustrations

What a frustrating day today turned out to be. I'm trying to stay optimistic but it is so hard. The Re I'm using has a wonderful reputation but it seems that I'm having an awful time with his office. Maybe because they are sending me to their satellite offices that are closer in location for me. I appreciate not having to drive two hours there and two hours back for an ultrasound, but this is getting bizarre. I'm starting to wish I never changed doctors. C. just reminded me that he has an incredible reputation, a higher success rate than our last doctor and costs way less; but I'm starting to feel like I bought a used car. We haven't paid yet for the IVF and I'm thinking about throwing in the towel on this cycle.

This morning I went to a new location to have a ultrasound. There were no problems there. They had all of my paperwork and were expecting me. The ultrasound tech examined me and found two follicles on my right side and one follicle on my left. I couldn't see the ultrasound which bothered me. I asked her if there was a cyst on my left side and she said no it was a follicle. At this point, I'm not sure if the cyst went away or the cyst and the follicle are one in the same. Next I was on to do blood work at the building next store. However, they didn't have my lab slip. No problem I would call the doctors office. After waiting on hold for what seemed like forever the receptionist said she couldn't find my nurse but would fax the lab slip over. That's when the girl at the lab, that my doctors office sent me too, said they couldn't take a lab slip from my doctors office. They would have to fax it to the main hospital and the main hospital would have to send it over which could take hours. What a crazy policy. I asked the girl if they could fax me the slip and I could hand it to her but she wasn't amused. So my doctors office ended up faxing the lab slip to me at work and I went to the lab by my work. However, by this time it was already after 9:00, between drive time and me having to stop at work to get the lab slip. The lady at the lab told me she wouldn't be able to get my doctor results that evening and I started to cry. It seems silly now but the whole morning had been so frustrating. She felt bad and said she would see what she could do.

I went to work and waited for the nurse to call me. She finally called around three and wanted to know why I hadn't called about the lab misunderstanding. This really set me off but I was calm and told her I was concerned about only having three follicles. She stated the doctor didn't discuss that there were any problems with her and she said to just keep taking Gonal F and return for an ultrasound on Monday. When I asked to talk to the doctor she said she would just schedule me an appointment with him and have him to do the ultrasound at their main location on Monday morning. I hung up with her feeling completely dismissed.

I called back around 4:30 and the phones were already shut off but I left a message with the after hours services that I would like to talk to my doctor since I was thinking of cancelling my IVF cycle. A doctor (not my doctor) did call me back and agreed that the three follicles were not good but did think I should stay on the medicine and come in Monday morning for the ultrasound. If I didn't have any more follicles we could always cancel the IVF.

I'm so bummed out about this. I really want to be positive but it just seems like things are not lining up this cycle. I hate to stay on this medication which is crazy expensive just to have the cycle cancelled Monday. But I also hate to cancel it. I'm so tired of waiting. I just need this time to be successful. I know there are no guarantees but it seems like luck is not going our way so far. C. thinks I should take the medicine all weekend and meet with the doctor on Monday. So for now that's what I plan to do. Would any of you stop the cycle or is it to early to tell?