Friday the Thirteenth

Happy Friday, the thirteenth everyone! I can't believe I have been away from my blog for so long. Life has been crazy,working three jobs, and trying to navigate friendships, family and this world of IF is certainly keeping me busy. I miss writing, I miss just watching a movie, I miss lazy days of having nothing to do. But I love teaching, and I realize I have to work like crazy if we want to start a family. I wish money wasn't always an issue. I guess I better start playing the lotto.

I just got home from having dinner with some girlfriends, and it was lovely. Honestly, I didn't want to go out. But since C. (my DH) left for a fishing trip, and I was dealing with a lot of peer pressure I caved in and went out. It was great to catch up with some good friends who have been a part of my crazy journey for as long as I can remember. I truly love these girls! I know I've been neglecting a lot of my relationships lately, but the truth is I feel guilty when I go out. Teaching and working three places has taking a lot out of me. There is always a paper to grade, a lesson to plan, and grades to calculate. I love it, but it is definitely a learning curve, and I'm looking forward to the beginning of May to get a little break. Although it looks like I may now be teaching a few summer classes, but I definitely will not be as busy as I am now. I feel that I'm drifting away from a lot of people, especially my BFF who is like my sister. She has had a lot of health issues and I've tried to support her as much as possible. I also adore her son who is six; we really do have a special bond. I truly love them. Her health has finally approved and she has been getting out doing more. I feel guilty that I've been working so much and haven't had a ton of time for them. Two weeks ago she told me that she had done some research to find my ex husband and had called him. She had to leave a message and she was hoping that she would get to hang out with him. I was stunned. In fairness, they had a mutual friend who passed away recently, and she wanted to talk to him about that, but she has not seen my ex husband in ten years. We have been divorced for ten years. I have been married to my current husband for almost seven. She wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with them? Seriously? My ex husband is an alcoholic. From what she has learned he is still drinking, and he has lost his drivers license again. I'm not surprised. At one time I loved him with all of my heart, I wish him well, but I don't want that life again. I don't want to hang out with him. I cant understand why my BF wants to hang out with him either. This just seems so unhealthy and frankly weird. I normally talk to her several times a week, but we have only texted a few times in the last several weeks. I miss her, but I'm not sure what to do here. I don't want to let the friendship go, but I don't want to live in the past. If I'm being truly honest, I feel betrayed. Why would she choose this? Maybe I'm just being dramatic. I often wonder why life has to be so complicated?

I have also been fighting with my insurance company all week for my referral to have my blood drawn. The medical biller (and the girl who writes the referral's)at my primary doctor's office has turned out to be, excuse my language, but a b****. She refuse to work with my fertility specialist and even hung up on them. Very professional, right? My referral is now "pending" and my insurance company has until Thursday to decide if they will pay for the tests for me. Seriously, I'm starting to think that insurance companies make things so difficult for you that you finally just give up. Either way I have the appointment for our blood to be drawn on Thursday. I'm so tired of waiting, and we really can't move on until we get the results from these tests. If I have to pay; I will appeal. Oh, and we need a new roof, that is going to cost a million dollars. So that's how my luck is going. I'm just hoping that all my luck is being stored and saved for my frozen babies. I really hope I get my miracle this year; I'm getting tired. In the meantime, I'm giving myself the rest of the evening off, drinking a Summer Shandy, catching up on all of your blogs, and maybe even watching a good movie!