Friday, December 30, 2011
I'm slowly catching up with all of you and getting ready for the New Year. It's been an emotional year, and I'm ready to put it to rest. Many of you have experienced terrible losses and disappointments this year; my heart aches for all of you. But many of you have experienced tremendous joys; your baby's have arrived safely into the world, or you are moving right along in a health pregnancy and soon will meet your little bundle of joy. As much as I'm truly excited for you, I would be lying if I didn't say that part of me feels left behind. I continue to remain a mother without a child and if I dwell on it long enough it makes me depressed and feel a little crazy. So I try not to dwell and most of the time it works. Like today, I feel incredibly hopeful. If it can happen for you then maybe it can happen for me. Strike that, I can happen to me. I'm determined not to be a quitter; one way or another I'm going to make my dreams come true. This year has been rocky; I lost a baby early in my pregnancy this year, but I know I can get pregnant and I have two little frozen embryos waiting for me. I almost lost my BFF when her heart gave out on her, but she was able to receive a beautiful gift of a heart. She is doing extremely well after her heart transplant and should have many more quality years on this Earth. She was given the gift of life and will be able to raise her son. I started a new job that I love and have been able to pay off some of our debt. I have an amazing husband and family that I adore. I have incredible friends who remain supportive and you guys who read my blog and send me encouragement and love. Thank you so much for being there and convincing me not to throw in the towel. Things are not perfect, but I know they could be a lot worse. I'm going into 2012 knowing that miracles do happen and believing with all my heart that this will be my year for a miracle. If nothing else, I will know I gave it all I have, there will be no regrets. I hope all of you receive your miracle next year and your wildest dreams come true. Yes, I'm ready to put 2011 to bed. Happy New Year's!