It's funny in the Infertility World how quickly our moods can change. It really is a hell of a ride, and anyone who decides to travel this road, must decide to buckle up for the long haul. I have learned this road is not for the faint of heart. In my real life (not that this blog and you guys are not real)I have friends who struggle with infertility. Not many, but a few. I always feel like I should have words of wisdom for them since I have been in the trenches longer than most. I try to offer support, advice and have wiped more than one tear. But so many of these decisions come down to what is right for us. I truly believe that we need to know when it's time to move on and continue to pursue our BFP and when it's time to stop, and get off the track. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about choices. I was thinking that we were going to be done. That I could not handle another disappointment, but I keep reminded myself about those two frozen embryos, and I couldn't help but think maybe, just maybe one of them could be our lucky break; especially if they could find something wrong with me. If only they good fix my broken body, and maybe they can.
Last week at my appointment with Dr D, I vented my frustrations to him; that I felt like I just kept spinning my wheels and I left disappointed. I left still without answers. Sure my thyroid is a little off and I have a low dose of MTHFR (Mother F*****) but he doesn't feel like this is enough to cause my problems of infertility and loss. It's really hard for me to get my head around that medical science still does not have an answer. Why is it so difficult for me and many others to get pregnant and stay pregnant? Why can't we get pregnant on our own, and why have we miscarried our two precious babies that resulted from IVF? Why am I still a mother without a child? How can I and many others be such a medical mystery?
This week, one of my favorite nurses from Dr. D's office called me with some information, and explaining they would like me to do more tests. Apparently, Dr D has another patient who has a similar history as mine and recently went to another doctor for a second opinion. The new doctor tested her for Natural Killer Cells and she ended up testing positive. This is what has caused her infertility and miscarriages. Has anyone tested positive for this or no anyone who has? From what I have read online it appears that this is when the immune system works to well and immediately kills off any pregnancy. The body recognizes a foreign object and rejects it. Could it be that this whole time my own body has been working against me?
I will be having the testing done soon. Unfortunately, it seems the closest lab to me that currently offers this testing is a few states away. But they should be calling me next week to let me know my options. Apparently, this is treatable with the proper medication. Is it really possible that they might figure out what is wrong with me? Is it possible that I may actually get to have a baby? I can't believe that I'm actually excited to know that something might be wrong with me.
Today I'm really proud of my doctor. It would have been easy for him to not follow up with another doctor or get involved with new research that he knows nothing about. He seems to be taking an innovative, and really seems concerned to help his patients reach their dreams of having a baby. Hold on tight, this journey isn't over yet! I'm officially getting back into the trenches!