Thursday, May 31, 2012

Goodbye May-Hello June

I can't believe it is already the end of May, and tomorrow will be June. If all goes well my little frozen embryos will be placed in me on June 15th. I'm really hoping for a miracle here. We will be married for seven years in August and I naively believed I would be done having children by now. I believed by 38 (almost 39) I would already have two or three children. I was wrong! I have accepted that life is hard, and things often don't go as we plan. I have accepted that I may never have all the answers to my questions, at least in this lifetime, and wondering and pondering too long on unanswered questions will only make me crazy. I thought I was in a great place, until I drank way too much over the weekend. We went out of town and stayed with some of C.'s cousins who I adore and we all drank way too much. One of his cousins passed out; I wish I had. I became the drunk girl, who became irritated with other drunk people, and cried. Yes, I cried in front of strangers. UGH. I realize that I don't want to be that girl. I'm blaming it on the drugs making me out of whack. But who does that? Really? Who goes to someone's party out of town, gets drunk, mad and cries? This girl did, and I'm trying to move past it. In sixteen days my little guys will be placed inside me. This weekend I'm going to get our house in order; I suddenly feel that I need to be organized. I'm going to limit my alcohol and most likely just stay away all together, avoid caffeine and try to be as healthy as possible. Hopefully, my party days are over and in a few short weeks I will be on my way to being someones mother. I would give up all the parties in the world for that dream to come true. I know in my heart that this will be our last try to have a baby together, but thinking about that makes me feel too much pressure. Any tips to a successful FET? Number Three is the charm right. Isn't that how the saying goes?

4 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie, I'm sorry about this weekend. Don't feel bad - it happened to the best of us. I've done it too... Thinking of you as you get ready for your FET!!!

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  2. Been there...done that...don't worry about being the drunk girl! Keeping my fingers crossed for your upcoming FET!!!

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  3. I think I would rather cry than pass out in front of strangers. It is an emotional time so don't be too hard on yourself! Now countdown to FET! Thinking of you!

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  4. Thinking of you as you head toward your FET... sorry - no magic tips from me except be gentle on yourself. I know what you mean about thinking we'd have a few kids by 38/39 !! Love to you always and keeping my FXd for you... wish we weren't on our potentially last cycles :( xoxo

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