Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Mind is Racing
I should still be sleeping. I was excited about sleeping in this morning; I took the morning off since I'm having acupuncture done today. But when C's alarm went off this morning, I was wide awake my mind already racing. I feel restless. Again I'm left waiting. Waiting to start AF so I can have my blood taken. Then waiting for AF one more time in April to start IVF all over again. I'm hoping for some type of miracle here that maybe AF wont come and we will be pregnant all on our own. But after five years of trying, I doubt that will be the case. I have heard stories of woman who struggled with IF for years, stopped trying and became pregnant. I hate to sound cynical, but what are the odds, really? I need to find an OBGYN for a yearly exam that is past due. I also need one in case I'm lucky enough to get my BFP in April. I have not been back to my "old" OBGYN since I had the miscarriage. He was so cold about it. It was a horrible experience and every time I think about it my blood boils. I definitely do not want to go back there. Besides his office is 45 minutes from my work so I really need someone closer. What is the best way to find a new doctor? I'm also struggling with how we are going to pay for this IVF. Once again we are wiping out our savings and will still have to go more in debt. Should we take out a loan, use a credit card? Why can't I be one of those girls that just has sex and gets pregnant? Hopefully, I will feel more relaxed after acupuncture.