Sunday, March 6, 2011
A lot has happened since my last post and I'm excited that things seem to be moving forward. I made the two hour drive this week to have a sonohystogram and mock embryo transfer performed. Oh, how I hate that painful test but the good news is everything looks great! I was assigned to a nurse who will be with me step by step through IVF. We put down our deposit to reserve a spot in April for IVF and my emotions are all over the place. I have been feeling very anxious about the finances and emotions of all this but today I'm feeling very positive. Last January, we attempted our first IVF, we ended up with 4 little embryos that were all transferred into me, one made it and we were BFP! It was one of the happiest times of my life, but we ended up miscarrying right before the eight week, which was one of the most devastating times of my life. I went through a pretty dark chapter at that time and didn't think I would ever attempt IVF again. I realized though that my dreams of motherhood didn't disappear and I don't want to look back at my life with regrets. I will be on a lot more medications this time around. My new RE feels that I was not on the right medications with my first IVF and that's why I developed only six eggs. I will also be on a higher level of progesterone. He stated that the level of progesterone I was on before was very low and now I can't help but wonder if this caused the miscarriage. Was I just not getting enough progesterone? I will never know for sure why I miscarried and I know I shouldn't speculate on the reasons but it's so hard not to. My girlfriend's heart surgery went well and if all goes well she will be out of the hospital on Tuesday. This was the first weekend in months I didn't watch her son and although it was nice to accomplish some things on my to due list and get together with friends; I missed the sound of pitter-patter of little feet. Hopefully, I will be hearing the sound of my own child's pitter-patter of little feet in years to come. For now, I'm feeling positive and optimistic about the future.