Saturday, May 14, 2011

Seriously?

Thank you everyone for the supportive comments you posted on my blog this week. Thanks to Blogger's meltdown my comments have disappeared. I feel like I may be having a meltdown of my own. Here's a quick update, my first beta on Monday was 96. Hooray I'm pregnant! On Wednesday though my numbers had gone down to 61. Which we all know is never a good sign. My doctor thought maybe I was losing a twin, which made me incredibly sad, but he was still a little bit hopeful that I may get a baby out of this. I would be lying if I said I stayed calm at all times, didn't cry and have a meltdown. I prayed that my numbers would double for Friday and be up to at least 120. But they just didn't make it. My Friday numbers went up but only to 85. At this point my doctor thinks this is an ectopic pregnancy. I go Monday to have more blood taken but honestly the odds are not in my favor here. Rise numbers rise. I've read on the Internet that ectopic pregnancies are not uncommon in IVF pregnancies, but this seems so bizarre since your doctor actually places your embryos in the correct place. I'm not looking forward to losing this baby and my fallopian tube if this is the case. I would gladly give up my fallopian tube to have a healthy baby. But it just doesn't seem fair to lose both. Sometimes I feel like the universe is pissed off at me. If this doesn't work this will be our second IVF and the second baby we have lost after IVF. After both IVF's I have felt so thankful that it has worked for me and I was able to get a BFP. But what's the point if I never end up with a baby to hold? But I'm still in the game, right? For now all I can do is hold out that I will be in that 5-10% and everything will work out for me. The last few days have been longer than the whole 2ww put together. I realize, I really do need a miracle here!

3 comments:

  1. praying the number goes up. The fact that it did rise is a good sign. The number may have gone down on Thursday due to the twin still fading, and it began rising again on Friday. Here is hoping that's what happened. Hang in there girl!

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  2. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I completely agree - this isn't fair!!!

    IF it turns out you have an ectopic baby (which seems so bizarre, I know, but it happens), you don't have to lose your tube. Since you would catch it early, you can take methotrexate (injection). It's a harsh drug, but it helps to resolve an ectopic early, without any surgery. You would have to be out of the pregnancy game for 3 months after the shot though - it robs all the folate out of your body. I took methotrexate for an ectopic, and although it sucks, it was much better than surgery.

    I'm hoping so much thought that your little one will catch up and it will be ok!!!

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