Monday, May 16, 2011

Things Are Not Looking UP

Well my blood results from this morning have came back and things are not looking good. I have gone from 85 on Friday to 81 today. So again,I'm dropping, just a little, but the doctor doesn't think I can catch up at this point. I am five weeks pregnant today, and instead of feeling the joy, I'm back to a dark place where I have been before. Although I feel calmer this time, maybe because after your first miscarriage you realize everything that can go wrong so quickly. Technically,I'm still pregnant but they definitely believe this baby will not be around to stay. There is no growth. There will be no birth, no birthday parties, no baby. We have now had two IVFs with two BFPs with nothing to show for it. Yes, this definitely sucks. I really cant get any definite answers right now. They think my numbers will drop again by my next blood test on Thursday,but they are also still concerned that this may be an ectopic pregnancy so they want to watch it closely. I'm just not sure where do I go from here? Maybe I will get more answers when I meet with the doctor on Thursday. I feel like the universe is just pissed off at me. Why do I keep losing babies? For those of you who are reading this and are pregnant I truly am happy for you and wish you the best of luck in your pregnancies but I cant help but be angry that this is happening to me. There is truly nothing worse than being told that you are going to miscarry and there is nothing you can do. I really thought this was going to be the one for us. I'm starting to think that being parents just may not be in the cards for us. I'm sure I will feel better, but right now I just feel heartbroken.

7 comments:

  1. I'm so so sorry! I can't even imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling. IF is so unfair!!! Your anger is totally understandable. Try to hang in there... Hugs to you...

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  2. Oh sweetie, I'm so very sorry. This isn't fair at all. Of course you're angry that this is happening to you - anyone would be! Sending you love today. I wish I could take this pain away from you.

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  3. You have every right to be angry! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Praying for a miracle....

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  4. I'm so sorry to read your posts and feel awful that I'm so behind that I haven't been there for you. This IF/IVF thing is so unfair and I often feel that the universe must be pissed off with me. I hope you get the answers you need on Thursday... this is such a hard journey and yours has been so much harder recently. Sending you lots of thoughts and hugs... love always xoxo

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  5. I am so sorry, so so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. *hugs*

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  6. I'm so very sorry. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you are feeling. Sending out thoughts and love...

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